Monday, May 21, 2007

How to succeed at 21st Century Wing Chun

In response to some unoriginal and repetitive posts from Wing Chun-converted-to-MMA zealots on another forum:

How to succeed at 21st Century Wing Chun

YOUR AIM

Too many delusional losers - who we on the 21st Century Wing Chun Internet Jury (21CWCIJ) call Clueless Theoreticians (CTs) - believe the end game of training is to learn to defend yourself, become or stay fit, strong and flexible, develop self discipline, determination and persistence, and/or participate in a challenging but absorbing and enjoyable activity. Perhaps even make some friends.

FOOLS.

The aim of 21st century Wing Chun is to impress an internet jury of self appointed peers (21CWCIJ) who understand the true aims of 21st century Wing Chun, and to unremittingly and ruthlessly denigrate those who do not understand the true aims ( the CTs).

You will never meet your fellow 21CWCIJ members in meatspace. But they are more important than your family, friends, real life training partners, or life itself. Your standing with them is ALL. Without the 21CWCIJ, you are NOTHING, or - even worse - a CT.

Don't ask what the true aim is - you will be exposed as a CT, and deserving only of Unremitting Ruthless Denigration (URD) and slow roasting (to maximise the suffering) in the red heat of forum flamage by the *true* 21CWCIJ.

THE ROT MUST BE EXTERMINATED. NO MERCY FOR THE CLUELESS THEORETICIAN (CT) FOOLS!

THE METHOD

1. Forms and solo patterns are NEVER to be practiced. Their only purpose is to serve as a reason to ridicule their adherents (CTs). Use of the dummy is to invite URD as one - or, even worse, as a CT.

2. Chi sao is never to be practiced. The terms patty-cake and steering wheel contest should be used in attacking its adherents (who are of course CTs). Make up you own insults, but clear them with the 21CWCIJ first.

3. The butterfly swords and 6.5 point pole are tools of the deluded. Their adherents (CTs - is a pattern starting to present itself?) should be subjected to URD. Smashing one another with short rattan sticks, however, is an activity approved of by the 21CWCIJ.

4. You MUST crosstrain in boxing and/or Muay Thai, and wrestling and/or BJJ. There are no CTs here - all boxers, MTers, wrestlers and BJJers have IQs above 180 and calculate a couple of extra Mersenne primes before breakfast, unlike the CT's that overpopulate your own martial art, 21CWC, and must be saturation-bombed with URD at every possible opportunity.

5. Spar and fight constantly (when not posting to the forum, see 6). However, you must ONLY use WC techniques from the WC forms, dummy and chi sao, which of course you must NEVER practice (see 1, 2 above), lest the 21CWCIJ say "he's just doing crappy boxing/kickboxing - that ain't Wing Chun" and cast you into the outer darkness of CThood.

6. Post constantly on the forum (when not fighting - see 5 - though the real 21CWCIJ members apparently have no trouble doing both at the same time). Constantly and repeatedly promote at length the true aims of 21CWC, and the virtues of the 21CWCIJ. Attempt to divert all threads to these subjects (after all, other subjects should concern only CTs). Constant repetition will promote indoctrination as resistance is progressively broken (it's for their own good). If your posts do not attract any responses, feel free to reply to yourself, many times if necessary. The 21CWCIJ message cannot possibly be repeated too often, though some posting time must be set aside to burying under gigantic piles of URD any CT's with the rash temerity and fool's courage to post on the forum - the 21CWCIJ's forum.

7. Hire an assistant whose job is to carry and keep primed at all times a state of the art video camera, so that your training sessions, sparring matches and fights (which will all be the same thing as anything else but fighting and sparring - except forum posting - is a complete waste of time) can be captured. Also, they should carry a suitable PDA or equivalent so that the results can be immediately uploaded to YouTube, and the 21CWCIJ immediately informed of their presence via the forum (your second home, though a real 21CWCIJ member would claim it as his first and only).

REMEMBER

THE 21CWCIJ ARE YOUR FRIENDS.

THE CTs ARE YOUR ENEMIES! URD! URD! URD! (sing it with me) URD! URD! URD!